How to make a bed

It takes a tremendous amount of effort into putting no effort into something. It’s really easy to put a little effort into something, like the way you make a bed and you get it somewhat right and then you say to yourself, well, that’s pretty decent, and then you just walk off because you have better things to do, like get on Tumblr for two hours.

But if you really wanna mess up making a bed, you have to invest some time. You have to make sure the flat sheet is bunched up just right and the comforter is upside down and backwards and coiled in an asymmetrical pattern, then you have to undo the pillow covers ever-so-slightly and sprinkle the bed with a pinch of Cheetos’ dust to complete the effect. It also helps if you dangle a pair of pants (not necessarily your own) off the side of the bed and scrape a little peanut butter on them. Furthermore, you have to spend twenty minutes considering how best to mess up your own bed to make sure you’re doing it right. I know I did.

~~La Stranezza, professional bedroom dirtier and break dance champion of the Southeast

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A relic

The words flow like honey from her mouth, encasing you, slowly drenching you. You see the world around you with a golden-amber hue but blurred. Smiles could be frowns, and your ears are so stopped up you cannot even hear their whispers. What finally sets you free from the haze is your own greed; you devour the sweet you already have and you still want more. But now the world is howling and whispers break through. Something new encases you, dark like honey, paralyzing like honey, but never so decadent. Movement is out of the question. You sit silent and still, afraid that preemptive movement might break the spell—not that it matters. Your enchantress is long, long gone, and you sit alone, a relic of a happy day that never was.