*Doesn’t know what a Bout is*
Since the dawn of mankind, people have posited that things should make sense. This is a rather bad theory indeed, and not only do things not have to make sense, they usually don’t.
Take this blog, for instance. After all, does it make sense that a part-time college student with a penchant for writing, a passion for all things weird and unruly, and a hell of a lot of time on his hands be allowed to voice his thoughts on the internet? No, it doesn’t. If anything, society should be given one big loser stamp for letting me loose on the world.
Asides: How to apply a loser stamp: 1. Lick palm of hand, preferably after washing. 2. Place palm on loser’s forehead. 3. Apply moderate pressure. 4. Shout “Loser stamp!” 5. Run away.
Back to the main point: This blog is a horrible travesty against nature and should only be read by people who expect the unexpected, preferably when the unexpected is in the form of a reference to the works of James Joyce. Unless you think that James Joyce isn’t cool–in which case you shouldn’t be reading this blog in the first place, because you’re obviously either a cat, a baby, or a very frightened glass of orange juice. Now, stop drooling/stepping on the keyboard/hiding in the attic from your drinker’s cousins from Florida and get back to doing whatever it is that cats/babies/glasses of orange juice do.
As for everybody else, it’s probably a good idea to tell you that I post every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, unless I don’t feel like posting, in which case I won’t post that day.
Finally, the most important part of all: PLEASE DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. If you do, bad things will happen. I give bad advice and try to jump off tall buildings whilst wearing Flash T-shirts, which doesn’t even make sense in context. Taking me seriously is like taking magic candy from Bob Barker: You’ll turn into a giant chestnut. So, remember, folks, for your sake and also to avoid any lawsuits that may be directed towards me at any point in time: Even if I tell you something’s a good idea, it’s probably not. 95% of what I say is made up on the spot, and the other 5% is transmitted to me by human-hating space worms. As a general rule of thumb, if anything I say involves cartilage, goldfish, or otherwise harming another human being using a caulk gun and mariachi music, ignore it. Ignore it like you ignore that one kid on Facebook. Yes, you know the one I mean.