This post brought to you by the Medusa Bow Tie and Sardine Co., LLC.
Bow ties are bitching. If you want to increase your coolness rating rapidly and with little effort, wear a bow tie. It can even be a clip-on and no one will care. Why, you ask?
Bow ties, much like trade in economic theory, can make everyone better off. They make you better off because your bow tie-ness will convince other people you are cool (although, face it, if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably not), they make the bowtie manufacturer better off and therefore capable of further advertising and sale of bow ties, and they make me better off because the bow tie manufacturer is paying me $75 per hundred views this post accrues. If everyone tells their friends, I might be able to buy some beef jerky!
Asides from the obvious benefit of coolness, you must also take into account the fact that bow ties are shaped kinda like little batarangs. If you ever find yourself in an implausibly dangerous situation, you can use your bow tie as a stopgap weapon to ward off the hypothetical dream tigers we may assume want to eat your brain.*
The most important reason to wear a bowtie, of course, is because I said so. And just because I know better than to take my own advice doesn’t mean that you do, so get to it. I’ll be judging you harshly until you do.
*In all fairness, you’re the one that brought on the evil curse by removing the Violet Tetrahedron of Manx from its rightful place.