Coffee and Tarps

I would like to point out two things:

1. Thunder and a tarp blowing in the wind sound almost exactly alike. This probably wouldn’t bother you, unless you’re me and your dad has a track record of waking you up at two AM to go to fix tarps blowing in the wind outside. The sound of the thunder in the moonless hours of the night, then, when you’re surprised you even know how to open your eyes and your mind is a bit groggy from a late night of coffee and chess, is bound to cause excess insomnia.

2. The idea that mankind existed before the advent of coffee baffles me. Whatever came before coffee, I believe, was not humanity but rather a sort of primitive barbarism. Humans need coffee, the same way goats need license plates or politicians need hair care products. I would like to thank Ethiopia for their contribution to the greater good of all people everywhere. If there was a way to pin a medal onto an entire country I would have figured it out by now.

~~La Stranezza


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