Cellular Devices


I’ve been thinking a lot about them recently; partially because I’ve been getting some mileage out of mine, and partially because I’m prone towards omphaloskepsis. That’s just how I roll.

The thing about cellphones is that they’re weird. Not weird like “Oh, I just found an otter ear in my bowl of Trix”–weird like “HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW EFFING WEIRD HANDS ARE?” That’s the way cellphones are weird.

I’ve specifically been thinking about texting. You use words and symbols just like in standard English, usually with less emphasis on quality–for real, some of you guys need to learn how to spell–but there’s also an extra aspect to it that doesn’t exist in standard written English. Let’s call this the H–or horologic–factor.

The H factor isn’t how words are said or what they mean, but the pauses and leaps and skips between messages. How long it takes to do something is almost as important as the actual action, and its importance is exponentially increased as time expands. Then you can start to see larger patterns and form mosaics, like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle of someone’s life and the pieces are little blurbs from their life, usually distantly and tangentially related. It’s fun, but it’s also challenging. However, part of the funness is that it is challenging; because if it wasn’t challenging, then it’d be easy.

Do you know what another word for easy is? Boring.

~~La Stranezza


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