Public radio is the best. It’s in the name–public comes from the Latin word publicus, which means “really freaking awesome.” I know this because I’m actually a two thousand-year-old vampire and–
Well, let’s not get into that. Let’s talk about how awesome public radio is.
Not only does public radio (specifically NPR) have crazy scary monotonous newscasters to tell us how screwed up the world is right now (and it’s pretty screwed up) it also has funny newscasters to tell us how screwed up the world is right now! Plus, it made an excellent cameo in the greatest tv show ever and plays le jazz musique.
Why am I talking about NPR? Because my local public radio station is having a pledge drive and after eight days of overbearing guilt, I finally gave in and donated. Not a lot, granted, but enough that I had a weird NPR-infused vision of Peter Sagal high-fiving me on a double rainbow.
This means that I’m better than all of you, because public radio is like the greatest thing ever and everyone who doesn’t support it can go to Hell.*
P.S. Why do I have a strange desire to say swag? Hanging out with real people has ruined me.
*No offence intended to Satanists. It’s just, Hell doesn’t have satchels…