So, you guyses know how I’m always like “I auditioned for this play, and I think I did good, but I’m not sure so I’m just keeping my fingers cross’t”? Well, this isn’t like that. This time, I did audition, and I DID get cast, and I DID get a non-crappy, non-disapponting role. The play was Animal Farm. The role?
I am Benjamin, the cynical ass.*
…Which is awesome, by the way, because who doesn’t want to be a cynical ass? Wait, don’t answer that question. Instead, answer this question: Who does want to be a cynical ass?
I mean, that’s like saying “I want to be a garbageman!” There’s nothing really wrong with wanting to be a garbageman, but at the same time it’s rather unappealing: You have to mess with garbage all day. Do you know what types of things people throw away? Trash, as in things people throw away. Like apples, and used intimate items, and chunky-style milk. There’s nothing more gross in the world than chunky-style milk, unless you count chunky-style milk with used intimate items and apples floating in it.
Being a cynical ass is kinda like that–nobody likes you, unless you’re also like a space bandito fighting the forces of darkness. But, isn’t there something appealing about being repulsive, too? The more disgusting you are, the more fascinating you are–and fascination is almost the same as appeal. *Avoids making a Romney joke*
*Ass, as in donkey. That’s what he’s called, so don’t you get your knickers in a twist.