am i human?

And that’s why I think I’m a vampire.

Oh, sorry. I didn’t start at the beginning. Starting at the beginning sucks, anyway. As I’ve started at the end already though, and don’t know how to start in the middle, I might as well.

I had a bonfire today. There weren’t a lot of people, but there weren’t few, either. There was normal amount. Say eight friends and me and my sisters and brother and parents and some of my parents’ friends, and a huge roaring fire that wanted to roast me alive.

I know it wanted to roast me alive because it told me so. “Strannie, come here, boy. You’ve got a sploch of whatsit on your nose can only be rid of by a cleansing burn.” And then it started cackling wildly, and I ran inside to get my sombrero to protect me.

Not even Sombreros can protect you from traitorous friends, though, and the next thing I knew I was being carried into the pool. It took six of them to subdue me and I didn’t let up without a fight. As we neared the pool, I started writhing all over the place like an electric eel and bit my buddy Caleb. Not just bit, though–bit so hard it broke the skin. Like, there was blood everywhere type of deal. But then I got attacked by crazy mutant frogs, so I guess we’re even.

~~La Stranezza

UPDATE: How did he even that shark through the window…?

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