Welcome to Stranezza’s Four Hundredth Postestravaganza, in which I, The Great and Deluded La Stranezza, take you on a great journey to the centre of human consciousness using my Consciousness-shuffler 5000, which fits quite nicely in most hammerspaces, in case you were wondering. Hey, what’s that behind you!
*You turn around*
*I bonk you on head*
*You wake up, sometime later, tied to a chair in a dimly lit room. Creepy music–think the music from Lavender Town played backwards, but five hundred times worse–plays somewhere close by…* Erhem. Now that we’ve got all that sorted out: I lied. My real plan was to give a you list of five different things going on with me right now, because, as you should know by now, my personal issues are vastly more important than your own.
One List to Rule Them All
- The other day, someone told me I should be a cabana boy (I forgot who. Actually, I might have just made this up.) because “that’s where the real money is!” and I don’t think they were being racist, although they might have been.
- I have a job now. Which is cool, except for I spent most of today at work moving around chairs in complex patterns. It was like playing bridge with Satan, if you were blindfolded and every time you got a point Satan got to shoot you with a rocket launcher. Coincidentally this is also the best way to play bridge.
- I might have accidentally help my friend plan a kidnapping–I won’t really know for sure unless it comes up on the news, because that’s just how he trolls. (Haha, see what I did there?…Well, no one asked for your opinion anyway!)
- I spent, like, four hours on TVTropes last night, and probably would have spent more if it hadn’t been for the redeeming power of Dan Harmon, Our Messiah and Saviour, even if he’s not Our Showrunner anymore…*
- The fifth item is that I’m a lying bastard.
*Tangent: Also, I hate Big Bang Theory now for what it did to my beloved favourite TV show of all time except for Arrested Development and maybe Spaced. NOW IT HAS THE FRIDAY NIGHT DEATH SLOT, AND IF IT GOES OFF-AIR AND I DIE, THEN WE’LL STAGE IT TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE CAUSED BY THE UNJUST CANCELLATION OF