All photo IDs are bad; and they only get worse. I cleaned my room yesterday. Not like deep-clean-total-eradication-of-dust-and-germs clean it, but more like get-out-all-the-shit-that-isn’t-mine-and-put-the-shit-that-is-mine-away-or-at-the-very-least-where-I-don’t-have-look-at-it. Anyways, as I was cleaning my room, I found my old photo ID from back before I had a license and had to get one so as to be able to fly on aeroplanes. In it, I look like a Mexican Toad from Mario, literally–my hair is poofed out several inches from my skull and it makes me appear as a strange mushroom person. Also, for some reason, I’m wearing a tweed jacket. (Don’t ask. I can’t answer.)
Of course, as embarrassing as my old photo ID is, my driver’s license is even worse. In my photo ID, I just look like a big dork–you know, the type of guy who is afraid of spiders and reads Batman comic books. In other words, I look like myself, but doubly so. In my driver’s license, though, I look–no joke–like a Middle-Eastern terrorist (complete with greasy Mexistache) intent on destroying the free world and possibly several Arby’s along the way. This is not a good thing.
Fact–When I went through security at the airport, I showed the TSA dude my license and he literally stared at it for about a minute. It was five in the morning and I didn’t particularly feel like being felt up by obese security guards. I said, “I shaved since then.” The guy laughed nervously and said, “Noticed,” but I’m pretty sure he was this close *holds up fingers to indicate an extremely small distance* from going fmj on me.
These facts have lead me to the conclusion that all photo IDs are bad, and they only get worse. We can only hope I don’t have a huge zit on my face when the time comes to renew my license. Well, I can only hope. You’d probably think it’s funny. Truth be told, I’d think it’s funny, too.
P.S. This post rocks because I finally get to use the facial hair tag.