I think the world would be a lot more interesting if polar bears could talk. Well, that or if Hitler was secretly an alien. Of course, this raises the question: Are all aliens anti-Semitic, or just some of them? Maybe the reason Hitler got send to Earth is because his alien buddies were tired of his rants against Jews on his home planet Kath’la-ta (“Nobody knows what you’re talking about!”) so they got him really drunk and put him on the first ship to Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha they could find. That would, after all, make a lot more sense, seeing as how Jesus was really a giant crystal space dragon. As it is written in Psalm 38:5:
“And so the Lord will come down from the Heavens as a badass space dragon, and there will be much rejoicing.”
At least, that’s what it says in my Bible. Well, I think that’s what it says…I’m not very good at Swahili.
P.S. If you’re reading this, it means I have been kidnapped by the Sapo, which is funny, because I don’t even know what Sweden looks like! Nah, I’m just joshing you. Sweden looks like a weird, upside down, drug-addled Pikachu. Everybody knows that.
P.P.S. After looking back over what I’ve written so far, I can see why the Swedes would want to kidnap me. I mean, I’m annoying, hain’t I? Oh well–at least there are polar bears in Sweden. Say, do know what would be cool? If polar bears could talk!