Part I: In Which the Author Recounts the Events of Thursday and Friday
“Blarg, blarg, blarg…I’m happy!” I said as I made coffee. “H’m…that was the last of grounds. We need to get more soon. Shabbity-ba!” I added sugar to the coffee and it tasted good. I don’t put creamer in my coffee because I have a subconscious fear of cows.
Then I went upstairs and made index cards. That wasn’t too much fun. After I finished, I played bidja games for a while and my mom came into my room and she said, “Shelby! Quick! We’re going to go to a book sale!” so then I put on my Indiana Jones hat and went to the book sale. This was a bad idea, because she didn’t tell me that after we finished at the book sale we were going to go sit around for three hours whilst she choreographed a ballet recital thingy.
Afterwards, we went to Walmart and I stared at loaves of bread until I started going insane and went out to the car. Then I read Sartre’s The Flies which is about this bloke who kills his mother–most apt under the circumstances, one might say.
Anyways, she came back eventually and we drove home and made chocolate cream cheese dip to take to the block party we had to go to ten minutes after we got home. That part was fun, because there were horses and live-action role playing and s’mores. While I rode on a horse, this is what happened: Mrs. S: “We’re going to see the Hunger Games tonight. Do you and Savannah (one of my smelly sisters) want to come?” Me: “Sure!”
And so we went and we saw the Hunger Games, which I’m not going to talk about at all except to mention that it was a neat film because then you guyses would probably murder me for ruining it for you. Unfortunately, we didn’t get home until three thirty in the morning and my voice had been lost due to the fact that I talked the entire hour-and-a-half we waited in the cinema before the movie actually started. I should have realised that I was completely boned by then because I was acting incredibly giddy and that only happens when I’m sleep-deprived.
I finally got to sleep around four and then got up at seven because I thought that it would be a smart idea and then I remembered we didn’t have any coffee so I just ended up watching 30 Rock.
And then I was gone from my house until five again because my friends and I all went to the park and I stopped making any sense just after lunchtime but I refused to admit to myself that I was completely smashed and so I didn’t stop running my barely audible pie-hole until around four thirty when I realised that I was talking about sawing off goat horns and using them as wine flasks. Then I fell asleep for awhile and when I woke up I was hungry and so I ate fish that was too spicy and passed out again.
And that’s how I spent my Thursday and Friday.
Part II: In Which the Author Reveals the Fact that He Is Actually Luke Skywalker’s Father and that the Film Quantum of Solace is Loosely Based on His Exploits in the French Foreign Legion
I think the title says it all, actually.
Epilogue: In Which the Post in Concluded
P.S. The moral of the story is that nobody puts baby in the corner.
P.P.S. Expect a guest post from Face soon, assuming she has not been captured by the evil Doktor Morengar yet.