The Blood Bat of St. Bernard’s

I almost died!

Well, actually, I didn’t almost die or regular die, but it would have been cool if I had because I then could have come back as a ghost and haunted you all. Of course, as I’m going to die in Bogotá, and not a blood drive, I really didn’t have anything to worry about in the first place, but it was still stressful for me and so I passed out. This is what happened:

I walked in, and I filled out a form. Then I got a Pepsi because I had to wait for my turn and sat down and started reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which is a super awesome book, by the by; and then I kept typing after the word by because you’re not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition. Anyways, after that there was a raffle for some reason, and I won a chair.

Before I knew it, it was my turn to donate, and so they made me sit down whilst the lady nurse checked my blood pressure. Then she said, “Now I need to check for iron content.” And so she cleaned my finger with a little antibacterial wipe, and then she stabbed me. At first I felt a little woozy, but nothing I couldn’t handle–as long as ignored the pressure on my finger I was fine. Then it crept up my arm and I could feel my blood pulsing through every ounce of my body and my head grew faint and the lights dim; there was ringing in my ears. All the while, my extremities became cold and numb.

I heard a voice say, “Alright, lift him up–” and two sets of hand grabbed me by the armpits and carried me to a cot. And that’s how I didn’t actually almost die at a blood drive on Thursday.

In comparison with other sensations I have experienced, passing out for no good reason is best comparable with extreme sleep deprivation. After about twenty-seven hours, you lose a sense of awareness about your surroundings. At first, it scares the hell out of you, and then you realise what’s going on and it doesn’t get much better. However, that’s a story for a different time and place.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to water the dog.

~~La Stranezza


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