Eh, what’s that yer young whippersnappers? I couldn’t hear you, I was sleepin’!
*Throws off old person disguise* Psych! It’s really me, the lovable rascal Stranezza!
*Sits down in big comfy chair* Today’s topic is Falling Asleep During Social Events: When And When Isn’t It Socially Acceptable? This is actually a rather tough question, so I was forced to rely on my underworld cock-fighting contacts to help me get the facts right on this. Here’s a list of the top five social events during which it’s perfectly acceptable (and in some cases, even recommended) to pass out on the spot:
- Sleepovers. After all, they do have the word sleep in them. It makes sense. Otherwise it would just be an awake over, and what’s so fun about that? All you do is stay up and see how many times you can watch A New Hope before the sun rises and you and your vampire friends are forced to flee to your basement internet lair thingies. That’s what I do, and I’m sure that if I had friends that that’s what they would do, too.
- Whilst watching any Michael Bay film ever made. This one is a bit self-explanatory. I mean, c’mon–who wants to watch two hours of non-stop explosions and sweaty tan people running around aimlessly? …Well, actually, when I put it that way…
- When feigning death in order to escape from the dentist’s office. Just don’t start snoring–otherwise the ruse is up. And remember: Dentists can smell fear. Also cavities. But, for the main part, fear.
- During the Superbowl. No one’s going to care if you fall asleep, because they’ll be busy watching big beefy guys tackling each other. Also, you can always google the commercials when you get home. Unless you already are home, in which case you should kick everyone out your house because anyone who wants to watch the Superbowl with you (and, by extension, make you watch the Superbowl with them) is not your friend.
- When studying in the library. This one has a snore clause, like with the dentistry one, but otherwise it’s absolutely perfect. No one can yell and wake you up, and you can always steal your friends’ notes later…Provided, of course, that they aren’t still mad with you about the Superbowl incidence.
Of course, these aren’t the only acceptable situations–there are others, too, probably. Comment below with your ideas for social situations in which falling asleep right away is recommended!
This Has Been Another Episode of Stranezza’s Completely Terrible Advice Which You Probably Shouldn’t Follow. Thanks for watching, and good night.