Stories, Floors, And Carpathian Mountains

So, I haven’t even touched my novel in progress in about a month, which is sad, and so I hereby announce that I shall spend the time that would otherwise be spent blogging Saturday morning working on my N.I.P., which is an acronym that I just made up earlier in this sentence and which also sounds like the source of many tasteless jokes to come so I’ve decided I’ll just refer to said NIP as that story which I am currently working and which has no title (so far). Of course, what this has to do with anything is not clear yet, so let’s move on, shall we?

Flooring is fun. Especially brightly coloured carpets that are so far out that you’re not sure if anyone would ever actually buy them, but which carpet manufacturers make anyway for some strange reason. It’s probably because most carpet manufacturing corporations are owned by Romanian business investors who are under the dark influence of Count Dracula, who was actually a real person but not a real vampire because vampires don’t exist.

Wait a second…If vampires don’t exist, and there’s a 75% chance that I’m a vampire, then it follows that there’s a 75% chance that I don’t exist! And if I don’t exist, then that means that I couldn’t possibly be writing this, which means you couldn’t possibly be reading it, and if you couldn’t possibly be reading this, then you’ll never learn the horrible truth about Doktor Ugolino’s secret experiments on his private island in the Pacific, which means that he will continue to continue with his experiments unless the made-up superpower Excelerator can defeat him once and for all!

Man, that’s depressing…

~~La Stranezza

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