La Stranezza: Welcome to this week’s episode of Rare Psychiatric Disorders and Why People Who Have Them Tend To Not Realise They Have Them with your host, La Stranezza! (Checks watch) Man, we really need a shorter title for this…Anyways, with me today is Renowned Opinionist Bobert Phelps, no relation to the swimmer dude. (To Bobert) So, Bob, what’s up with your name?
Bobert: I was named by a cat, La.
La: Oh, yes, yes. Perfectly understandable. I was named by a narcissist with a rudimentary understand of the Italian language.
Bobert: I’m sorry.
La: So, back to the point, Bob: what exactly is hubcapamania?
Bobert: It’s a rare psychiatric disorder in which the effected has an insatiable urge to buy old hubcaps and place them on their wall, under the false pretense that they are both decorative and aesthetically pleasing.
La: What is the psychological community doing to help these poor, innocent souls?
Bobert: As the sufferers are often asymptomatic, and only relapse into hubcapmania on occasion, it’s hard to round up them all for psychiatric evalutation and study, so, for the most part, the people who are effected by this serious condition are rather hard to diagnose.
La: Well, surely something must be done, correct?
Bobert: Something is being done, La. The United States government has decided to–in their next census–to include a little box thingy in the side asking whether or not people think that hubcaps look good mounted on walls, and hopefully that will spurn their subconscious and cause them to relapse so that we can finally get a good look at the disorder and how it affects people. No, wait–affects?–effects?–which one’s right?
La: I’m not sure, Bob, I’m not sure…(Checks watch again) Oh, looks like we have time for just one more question, Bobert; and that question is: Where the hell did I get this watch from?
Bobert: Mugged a hobo?
La: That certainly sounds like something I would do…(Stares off into space) Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Make sure to tune in next week as I get down and dirty about Whovianitis, the new craze that could very well get our nation’s teens off the likes of reality TV once and for all.