There is an ever widening gap between my reality and my perception of my reality. To illustrate my point:
Scene: A Walmart
(Stranezza walks in, wearing super-awesome pea coat and newsboy cap. He is cheerily happy and feelingly whistles a jaunty tune as he wanders aimlessly, searching for rubber glue.)
Look at that weird kid in the super awesome pea coat! He’s different, we should go over there and beat him up! Grab the stitches and grab the walkers, legs will be broken tonight! (The Voices descend upon Stranezza and take his slowly dwindling sense of fashion-consciousness.)
Ah! My legs! They’ve been broken by unnamed voices!
To the Batmobile! (Stranezza grabs the rubber cement and escapes to his non-copyright-infringing vehicle designed to resemble a Hummer tank…thing…) Farewell, my good sweet! The world is not yet ready for my super awesome pea coat! (Exit, pursued by bear.)
So now I’m sad, because I thought my pea coat was cool but apparently girls can only wear pea coats, because I saw at least seven different female humans wearing coats of the pea variety in the store whilst I was in there and none of them were attacked by unnamed voices, although I think that one of them might have been an alien posing as a human because of the antennae sticking out of the top of the their head. Also, I just made that last part up because I don’t actually remember what happened when I went into Walmart because I have recurring flashbacks into a nightmarish past where Stephen Fry refuses to wear clothes or maybe that was just my recollecting Sherlock Holmes 2. You know, I’ve never been really able to tell the difference between my life and a Guy Ritchie film, due to the fact that both Ritchie and I are super awesome *as noted earlier in the pea coat section of the post* and that we’re both British. I also have a pet giraffe named Philippe who liked apricot jam, because filmishmish (my cousin from Tel Aviv) told me when we were Skyping the other day that giraffes liked apricot jam and it turns out that he was right, because I fed my giraffe apricot jam and now it’s my best friend forever and always.