Blue Oyster _____

Hulloa. This isn’t actually a post, because today I must prepare for the impending Sabbath, which involves not posting. Yes, I know, it doesn’t make sense, but that’s only because you haven’t heard that I recently converted to hypo-Christo-Conserva-Judaic-Talmudism, which is one of the main branches of Falafelosophy, which is the religion founded by science fiction author Phillip K. Dick’s second cousin’s uncle’s twice removed granddaughter Stephanie, who also happens to be the very nice lady who cut my hair the other day.

Anyways, in accordance with hypo-Christo-Conserva-Judaic-Talmudic religulous laws and some other crap like that,

“It shall, on each fourth Thursday of any given month, not come to pass from thy fingertips any blog-post or blog-related article, elsewise the great Allah Shaaz-El Zheem will smite thee and it shall come to pass that thou shall be condemned to one hundred years of solitude and cheap McDonald’s Big Macs.”

Yeah, I know, harsh, right? I guess that’s just the price one must pay for eternal salvation…Oh, speaking of which, I highly suggest you all convert to Christo-Conserva-Judaic-Talmudism right away, for three very important reason:

  1. You’re only forced to drink cow blood once, which is fifty percent less than most major religions force you to drink cow blood.
  2. You get a free RedBox rental code.
  3. You don’t rot in Hell forever. Instead, you get seventy-five bajillion virgins and a small villa in the countryside, where you will be waited on hand and feet by a fleet of French servants.

Nah, I’m just messing with you. Everybody knows there won’t be Frenchies in Heaven–otherwise, it wouldn’t be Heaven, would it?

And that, my friends, is the true meaning of Christmas.

~~La Stranezza


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