I slept the way Twilight vampires do everything last night: Sucky.
Well, that’s not entirely true. They are pretty good at sucking, I’ll give them that much. And Jasper’s a complete badass–but other than that, they are all complete failures at afterlife.
So, anyway, I really didn’t get to sleep until about fourish–before that it was an on /off fiasco that ended with my brain frying into small, tofu-like pieces.
It’s usually not that bad for me when it comes to going to sleep…No, my real problem is getting up in the morning. For, you see, I have been cursed with that bane of many a teenager’s existence: A cellphone alarm clock.
In case you didn’t know, cell phone alarm clocks are complete poop for three reasons: A) They only go off for about one minute, and you can’t set them so that they go off again in ten minutes. Or, at the very least, I can’t. B) They’re really hard to hear, so you have to put them right next to your head–which means you run the gambit of having your bff Sasha in Pacific Standard ring you up at three in the morning so they can talk to you about how funny Jimmy Fallon was, when all you can say is, “Mhfwrckff,” which, in normal people speak, translates to something you don’t want your mum to hear you saying at any point in time. C) It runs down your precious cell phone battery.
These factors, all combined together, lead to what I call the moment of truth–when that clock rings, assuming Sasha didn’t kill it with the text messages they sent you all through the night, are you going to have the moral strength to get up, or are you going to fall right asleep again, thus dooming you to a perpetual lateness that will eventually destroy all lasting relationships you have and also HOLY CRAP I JUST HAD AN AWESOME IDEA FOR A MOVIE!
Hold up…I gotta write this down…
There, that’s much better.
So, remember, kids: Cell phone alarm clocks suck.