I woke up late today.
(I can’t believe I woke up late. Now I’m really stressed out.)
It’s okay, though. I don’t have that much school work to do.
(Yeah, I know that I don’t have much school today. But I don’t like waking up late. I hardly get anything done when the rest of my family is awake.)
(I’m avoiding this painful subject, before I go Jack Torrence on all of you.)
We got Captain Crunch today. It’s exciting.
(I have homoerotic fantasies about Captain Crunch. I know, it’s weird.That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.)
It’s nice outside. Maybe I could go for another bike ride…
(I’m incredibly paranoid and believe my house is going to blow up/collapse any minute. Which is why I try to ride my bike. Because that way I’m out of the blast zone.)
The Pianist is going to come on TV on Monday. That’ll be fun.
(I also have homoerotic urges about Adrien Brody.)
[Hey, stop lying to my readers!]
(I’m not lying to them. I’m just interpreting your words via subtext.)
[Oh, in that case…]
I wonder what’s for breakfast today.
(I have an unfounded fear that someone is going to poison me.)
There’s a ringing in my ear.
(Oh God! The Russkies are coming to get me!)
Is it just me, or do you find yourself strangely attracted to Vladimir Putin, too?
(I like cheesecake.)
Sometimes I have strange feelings about the Prime Minister of Russia.
(I want to move to Russia.)
Like, this one time…
(Have you ever noticed that apples are green?)
Oh well. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal.
Toodles for now!
[You didn’t have to make explicit that the post was over. I’m sure that toodles for now was satisfactory.]
(How can they be absolutely sure unless you sign off, me?)
[IT WAS IMPLIED!]
(Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s what they all say.)
P.S. I really don’t have homoerotic fantasies about Captain Crunch.
(Or do I…?)