A Public Service Announcement

This is a Public Service Announcement from the entirely fictitious Department of Tea and Coffee (DTC), regarding the current situation in your kitchen. It has been reported that quite a few of you are without an ample stockpile of tea for the impending Irenapocalypse.

Don’t Panic. Remain Calm. Refrain from Nervously Pulling Out Your Hair. Anyway you put it, just chillax and wait until I tell you how deal with this impending doom.

Firstly, panic. You’re out of tea and there’s no possible way you’re going to be able to get it until the storm is over. You have no choice but to drink coffee when you eat your scones.

Secondly, you need to, once the storm is over, to stop panicking and form a raiding party with your neighbours to loot the streets in search of the perfect cup of tea. The DTC has deemed the best equipment for tea-looting to be: Toothpaste, scissors, arsenic, pitchforks, and kukri. It should be noted, however, that only badasses should use kukri, as it has been proved that there is a direct correlation between kukri usage and accidents involving chopping off one’s hand.

Thirdly, once you have secured a large stockpile of tea for yourself, you must defend it. The DTC recommends you use attack dogs, although gerbils work almost as well, and weasels are capable of gnawing of tea-thieves’ faces to a paste in 3.2 seconds flat.

Fourthly, enjoy your tea. You earned it.

~~La Stranezza


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