Vivian vs. the Colour Lavender

Vivian’s date with that one guy turned out horrible.

It’s not because he was a bad date. On the contrary, it the best–albeit only–date Vivian had ever been on. No, the reason for Vivian’s dating nightmare was the colour lavender.

It swept upon them like a broom sweeps up sticky spaghetti off the kitchen floor. In other words, it did a really crappy job of sweeping up on them. After a few tries, though, the metaphorical spaghetti became a little drier and swept easily into the metaphorical dustpan.

Next thing Vivian remembers, she could no longer say the letter “U.” Her “tummy” because “tommy” and her metaphorical “blouse” became a metaphorical “blose.” Her “metaphorical” remained “metaphorical,” however, and for that she was grateful. Cows, believe it are not, do not look particularly pleasing in blouses. Of course, as Vivian was in cow heaven/Denmark 2.0, this basic law of fashionometry, known as the Dansken Principal (√Δb=ic, where Δb equals the change in blouse and c the philosophical meaning of the cow in question), did not hold much meaning. However, she had never worn a blouse before and she wasn’t about to start now.

Moving on….

Suddenly, as the letter U vanished from existence, Vivian knew that it could only mean one thing: The colour lavender had descended upon her fabulous Denmark 2.0 and threatened to destroy ever she held dear to her, including umbrellas.

With all her might, Vivian entered into cow Super Saiyan and destroyed the evil lavender, thus saving that fragile sandy peninsula once and for all.

Of course, this also meant that elephants could never be purple again, which made Vivian sad. “At least the zebras stay orange,” she consoled herself. “If they didn’t, I might be a wee bit upset.”

So Vivian lived happily ever after. Well, actually, she just lived. But that event shall be saved for the next Vivian-related post.

~~La Stranezza


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